• Time alone. Beige square background white words highlighted in purple quote by Oscar Wilde words all in caps
    January Jumpstart,  Self Love

    Time Alone

    Time alone has always been in a love-hate relationship with me. I way “with me” because I feel like it is an unhealthy relationship sometimes. I feel it is a healthy relationship other times. Knowing the difference has been key in accepting alone time. I enjoy being alone. I enjoy watching TV or reading. I like the downtime when I do not feel like I have to do something. Then again, I always feel like I should be doing something other than sitting. I try to give myself a break and tell myself that I am busy, and if I take some time to settle, that is ok. This kind…

  • Trust black square with the word in yellow trust doesn't come with a refill. Once its gone, you probably won't get it back and if you do it will never be the same & that's a fact
    January Jumpstart,  Open Relationships,  Polyamorous,  Random thoughts and processing

    Trust

    Trust is something that comes naturally, right? From the moment we are born, we trust that those around us will take care of us. Our parents will make sure we are safe, fed, clothed, and warm. Once that trust is broken, it isn’t easy to find our comfort zone trusting again. It doesn’t matter if it is in your personal or professional life. Once that trust is lost, it is hard to get that trust back. I have tried twice to join established couples in a way to dip my toe into the “open relationship” or “polyamorous” communities. Both times were epic failures, and I ended up hurt, trust broken,…

  • walk on the beach sand water waking dock in the distance, with words typed nothing soothes the soul like a walk on the beach
    January Jumpstart,  Learning the Hard Way,  Self Love

    Walk on the Beach

    A walk on the beach is soul cleansing for me. All my senses are engaged, and for some reason, at the first step on the sand, my brain can breathe. I have always loved the beach but didn’t realize its true power until later in life. That is a theme in my life; later in life is where most of my lessons and “clicked.” The ability to look back at the chapters of my life and see the lessons can only happen later when you have the maturity to recognize them. I was never one to walk on the beach in my younger days. I was oiled up and lying…

  • hurt to know close up of horses face with rope bridal and verse with words in white letter.
    January Jumpstart

    We Have to Hurt to Know

    c/w Depression / Addiction We have to hurt to know; an unfortunate truth. This is a lesson older than time. I was raised to learn from my mistakes. I was usually told of the consequences, and then the choice was mine to make my decisions. As children, we are warned not to touch a hot stove. As adults, we have to know that we shouldn’t do certain things. You know you shouldn’t do it. Even as children, sometimes we know. We can not help ourselves, though, can we? We touch the stove, and of course, Mom was right. It hurts. The decision was ours. Now that we know the consequence…

  • Optimistic optimism cartoon turtle upside down on his back with words I'm flying green grass blue sky white clouds caption balloon
    January Jumpstart,  Memes and Things

    Optimistic

    An optimistic approach to sex came tome later in life than I would like to admit. I can call it generational, cultural, or anything else I could blame, but it is my past, and I can’t change that. However, I move forward with a more optimistic view that I have a blank canvas to create my own sexual story. It wasn’t until my first divorce that I realized the reason I didn’t like sex could be because I hadn’t had good sex. It is of no fault of my partners (few that they were), more that I hadn’t allowed myself to enjoy it. I always worried if I was doing…