Chapters black background desk with a book opened to the middle of the book with a pair of glasses and a glasses case sitting on top of the book
Thoughts,  Writings

How Many Chapters

How many chapters is a good amount for a book?  Twenty?  Thirty?   I guess it’s based on the information or story you are trying to tell.  Then how many chapters in a lifetime is a good amount?

I break my life down in chapters. When something ends, I always say it is the end of a chapter to prepare myself for the next. My life has many chapters so far and I am about to start another one. Some of the chapters blend smoothly into the next. Some have abrupt ends and startling beginnings.

No matter the reason, the changes, and shifts to the next chapter filled me with anxiety and worry. This chapter is no different.   I wish I could be excited.  I wish I could look forward positively and with hope and enthusiasm.  I fear the newness as an unsure change.

So I “cowgirl up” and all the plans I had will wait.   All the hopes I had will fade.  I will keep my mask on and move through the day as the positive person the world thinks I am.  And the fear will stay behind the mask until I am alone.

All the changes I have seen really don’t add up to a whole lot.  Especially if we are comparing to other people’s lives.  I am not talking about people older than me.  That would be too obvious.  I am thinking about people that move homes a lot.   People that have changes in their family dynamics.  I know there are people with more chapters than me.  Sometimes, more than I care to admit, I feel like the changes are too much.  I know they are the sign of new chapters and possibly good things to come.  That hasn’t been my experience lately.

Good or bad, on to the next chapter!

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