As the High Fades

I am missing him already.  The workday is done, and I’m home. Memories of last night are still strong.   As the high fades, I begin the process of wondering when I will be with him again.  Tonight,  I cannot be alone with my thoughts. There will be people here. How strange that when I am missing him and alone it is depressing. When I want to relive every moment of him using me as the Toy I long to be I just want to be alone with those memories.

I sit here and I’m winding down and wondering where he is and what he is doing.  Is he thinking of me or has he moved on to some other thoughts or some other woman he spends time with?  The light headed high that carried me through the day has slightly faded and sadness settles in once again.

Missing Daddy so much. He is my drug. He is my addiction. There is never enough of him for me.  Others grow weary of his touch and attention but I yearn for it.  Every second of every day!  As the high fades, I long to be in his presence, touch him and serve him.

What is it about him that makes me so obsessed with him.  I want him every second of every day.  I have never felt this way about anyone before him in this way.  Not my ex-husband, ex-wife, or other relationships.  Just him.

Is it the power he offers.  The way he allows me to let go and not be anything to anyone but him.  Or is it just the emotion.  Is it just the butterflies that I feel when he pulls me close or leans into me against the wall?  I don’t know really.  Most of the time I don’t care.

It isn’t something that I ponder often.  I miss him and I do focus on that, but, I rarely focus on the why.  The why isn’t important to me.  I just don’t ever want to stop feeling this way about him.

black square with abstract hand painted flower and the word toy in read. Colors are red black and white with some pink where the colors blended
Being his Toy is my greatest joy

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