30 Days of D/s,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts



Does a submissive have certain Behaviors?

Speaking for myself, I have specific behaviors that I now categorize as submissive but this was a late realization.  I want to do for people.  Make people happy, comfortable, have less stress in their life.  I have always been the one to offer to help and rarely understand that it is ok to say “no”.  This is good and bad.  I never considered it submissive but more helpful and caring.  When I got into a relationship with my Dom, and we talked about submission, all the traits seemed natural to me. They were all things that have always been in me.  The kinky part of sex I believe was always there too.  Wanting someone else to take control in the bedroom.  I like directives, I like to please so I want to know what pleases so I can do those things.  I think submissives all have those traits while they vary on different levels and in different situations.  I believe that most submissives have a need to be needed.  I have a need to be needed, wanted, missed, have importance, have value.  Those are things that are important to me and what I feel make me submissive.

Do submissives do a specific task?

Yes.  I think this varies from each relationship and as agreed upon.  Ranging from tasks around the house (depending on the type of D/s relationship you have) to maybe prepping for a scene, cleaning up after.  Specific things that can make the submissive feel useful.  I like schedules and planning.  I like knowing what is expected of me and then being allowed to do those things, accepting guidance if needed. I get upset if I don’t have tasks because it makes me feel less needed and valued.  My pseudo long distance D/s relationship is difficult for me because there is no schedule as to when I will see my Dom or when I am needed.  This leaves me feeling useless and not needed, and ignored and forgotten.  If I have tasks to do, it allows me to feel useful and helpful.

When you think of a submissive and submission, what thought comes to mind?

Service –  in that you are there for the things that make it easier for the Dom to do what he needs to do.  This allows more time for the other things that you both can enjoy and do together.  If the submissive is cooking dinner while the Dom is winding down from work, or taking care of something else in the home, it then allows that time for the two to be together at the end of the day or however things are played out.

Support – there so the Dom doesn’t feel like everything is on him.  Being a Dom to one is tough to many is difficult.  I realize it isn’t easy managing the tasks and working that out but once it is all established it makes everyone at ease and all know their place and their roles so there is no question of what needs to be done.

Partnership – Not everything has to be an order or control.  Working together to make the relationship work is key.  While there is a hierarchy, there is a level of partnership to make things work.  Whether it is a contract and everything is explicitly detailed, or casual agreement, it is a partnership to each reach and maintains the goals set for all involved.


What kind of submissive are you?

I believe I am a service submissive, masochistic, baby girl (although this doesn’t come out as much as I would like it to).  I am still trying to figure everything out.  It can be a bit overwhelming.  Having a long distance D/s relationship is difficult when you are trying to determine what you want and what you need.  Everything feels urgent and at the same time, everything feels like it is slipping away with little concern to how this impacts me.  I’m still going to keep trying to figure it out. It is every second of everyday struggle.


Thoughts provoked by @lovingBDSM.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.