30 Days of D/s,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts

Punishments, yes or no?

As a submissive, are you willing to allow a Dominant to discipline or punish you in your relationship?

Yes, I am willing.  At the beginning of this journey, this always puzzled me.  I was learning what I liked and didn’t like a little at a time.  It was a long process because it was part-time.  Most of the conversations were through text or over the phone.  Rarely face to face.  At the time, that was a blessing for me because I was embarrassed to express my ignorance about many things.  But one of the things that I had realized is that I liked spankings.  Now I realize I like all kinds of impact play.  Back then, I just knew I liked spankings.  So, when the discussion of punishment came up, and it related to spankings, I would get this strange and puzzled look on my face.  I finally asked Daddy (Sir at the time) about it and he giggled.  He agreed it sounded strange that something enjoyed could be a punishment.  He said it was individual to each Dom and sub and that it depended on the transgression, etc.

Personally, I have rationalized it as the following.  I know I enjoy spankings, but internally I would be disappointed in myself for failure and disappointing Daddy, so a spanking because I had done wrong, internally would be perceived as a punishment.  It would be difficult to enjoy based on the reason that it happened.  Also, after the spanking of fun and joy, there is usually much more for me to look forward to.  I know Daddy well enough to know that had I don’t wrong and been given a spanking as my punishment, there would be no after spanking fun.

There was one time when I wrote on his bathroom mirror in lipstick, “forever your Toy”.  He had a visceral reaction to my action and strongly suggested that I like it off.  I was visibly sad and wasn’t sure what I had done wrong.  I explained I thought it was a cute gesture.  He explained it was a sign of me taking ownership of my place.  We understood each other’s perspective, so I could finish cleaning the mirror a different way.  I feel that being punished is acceptable and the punishment should fit the transgression.

I have often wondered if a Dom fails to meet his tasks and his end of the bargain, so to speak, what the consequences would/could/should be.  I believe that a Dominant has responsibilities as well.  Not that a Dom should receive a punishment, but should there be reaction or compensation to the sub if the Dom fails to do what he promises to do?  Maybe he does something extra for his sub?  Maybe the sub gets extra attention or something that is agreed upon.  Just a thought.  J

 What kinds of punishments can you imagine for bad behavior?

This is interesting too. As mentioned above, I thought to lick the lipstick off the mirror was equivalent to my transgression, even though I didn’t realize I had done wrong.  Spankings, corner time, holding back other things that the sub looks forward to all seem appropriate.  I recently saw a podcast from @John Brownstown where holding back communication is not a good idea as a punishment.  I completely agree with this.  As a sub, it is the worst thing in the world when I experience silence for even a minute.  Holding back communication limits the sub’s ability to learn from their mistakes.  It is devastating and has little positive results.

The punishment should match the transgression.  I remember one time in talking with Daddy about something.  I don’t remember how the conversation got started but he said, “what if I put you in a dark closet, blindfolded, and left you there to think about what you did.”  I was speechless on a few levels.  First, holy fuck!  I am not afraid of the dark, but I do have some phobia issues with closed in places, so I instantly got uncomfortable.  I was shocked he would even think of doing such a thing.  But, admittedly I had seen much worse treatment in videos and in my research.  Back then I wasn’t sure if any of what I saw was as punishment or slave treatment etc.  So, coming from him that was harsh as he had never indicated anything close to that.  Secondly, and more importantly, I couldn’t imagine anything that I would do that would warrant that type of treatment or punishment.  I am usually right on track with everything I am supposed to do.  Although, being part-time and at times more LDR than anything else, I don’t have a lot of task and things that I do for him.  He expresses his displeasure with me very pointed questions as to why I felt my actions were valid or ok.   I assume if we ever reach a point where we are more full-time or have more time to explore these things we will have deeper conversations about punishments and tasks and things.  I am the type of person that will probably request to assign a punishment to each task, so I will know what the risk is for not completing a task or doing something I am not supposed to, but Daddy tends to like the element of surprise, so we shall see.


Thoughts provoked by LovingBDSM



  • Princess Crowned

    For me, I make an effort to not do anything that will cause a punishment, as I greatly dislike that. If I do pop off into into brat mode, I’m ready for his response, however.

    As to ‘punishing’ him, it is a matter of disappearing. We are not in close proximity, so just dropping over isn’t an option. I don’t need to carry my phone and I’m prone to running of for an overnight or three–planes fly out night and day. I call it gaining space for any discontent to die down, he calls it retribution by stealth.

    He does a pretty good job about keeping up his end of the bargain but when he falters, I go on a no-contact break. I avoid arguments that way.

    We all handle things in our differing ways, yes?

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