What do you think? Does it sound deliciously sexy?
Sexually availability was never a struggle for me. In my situation, I was always ready for sex or play. Looking back now, I thought that was part of being submissive. I wanted to be available whenever he needed me. It was exciting. I was always prepared. Always had my nails done in the color of his choice. I was always shaved how he liked. I was always ready with his favorite bra and panties or nothing at all. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t but I was always ready and willing. It was my pleasure to be prepared and prepped for him. It was what I felt was natural. I had never really thought about it as sexual availability. I always thought that it was what I should do as a submissive. I know better now.
Or does it not sound appealing at all?
The downside was always being willing and ready and waiting but having nothing happen. Looking back now, the reasons we didn’t were many, but it was never because I wasn’t ready or willing. I couldn’t imagine ever saying no or not being sexually available. I always wanted him. And serving him was,, without a doubt my pleasure. I felt like my sexual availability was always more accessible than his. I know he had a lot happening and things were complicated. His sexual availability always seemed to something that he needed to force at times. I was never confident enough to ask for what I wanted.
Without him, I don’t know how things will go in the future. I want to think that I will find someone that will also make me want my sexual availability to be accessible when I wanted it to be. For now, it just isn’t so.
Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM