30 Days of D/s,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts,  Writings

Sub Frenzy

You might have never heard of sub frenzy and still experienced it whether as the submissive or a Dominant. It’s a moment that happens for new submissives or submissives in new relationships where they get a little intense about their submission, sometimes to the detriment of their own safety. It can be overwhelming in healthy relationships and dangerous in bad relationships. It’s good to know what it is and how to recognize it, even if you’re past the point of thinking you’ll be affected by it.

My first and only experience as a sub was exhilarating.  I loved the prospect of it.  I researched and looked at different things and options.  I would imagine what would happen and think about all the possibilities.  Thankfully my Dom was knowledgeable and smart and caring.  He made sure I took it slow.  He didn’t overwhelm me with much.  He always left me wanting more.  Never took it too far.  It was a very nice way to be introduced.

I was in a frenzy.  I was desperate to be with him and serve him and have him use me how he wanted.  Looking back now I’m sure I was irritated and very intense.  He had always had other things going on and I was needy.   I know I tried to make him feel bad and guilty about the lack of time he spent with me.  It didn’t work.  He knew what he was doing and I suppose the bottom line was he was only going to have me when he wanted and the time was right for him.  Sometimes I think it was like using me and just keeping me around when others were not available.  In a way that hurts, but isn’t that what being submissive is?  I don’t really know anymore, but I enjoyed being available.  The frenzy was hard on me in ways that I am not sure a Dom can understand unless they really try to want to.

As a sub, I had needs too.  It could be months before we would have time together and what bothered me most was that it seemed to bother him way less than it did me.  Is that what being a sub is.  During the frenzy and even after, I would ask for things to do when we weren’t together so I would at least feel as if I was serving even if I couldn’t be with him.  That happened on some levels but it wasn’t substantial or continuous.

I handled the frenzy by trying to reason with myself about what I was truly feeling.  Thankfully I had done research and was able to reason with myself about what was happening.  I talked to my Dom about it and he agreed that was what it was.  Having a conversation about was good.  He reassured me it wasn’t anything I had done wrong or wasn’t doing right, but that he had other things to do and take care of.  It was a matter of getting things straight in my head and being more rational than emotional.

The difficulty was that even out of frenzy I always felt like I needed and wanted more and he wasn’t available as much as I would have liked.


Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s



  • naughtynora

    Great post! I remember sub frenzy well…how exhilarating and frustrating it was! Always wanting more. It is a bit like the lusting phase when one starts a new relationship….just can’t get enough of one another. You make an excellent point though about safety…a good reminder to all who play with new partners or partners that they do not know very well. Keep yourself safe, ya’ll!

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