humiliation white woman sitting with legs crossed on a bed with white sheets and black head board with blond hair and arms tucked under her chest
BDSM,  Learning the Hard Way


This concept has always confused me.  I could never understand why anyone, male or female, would consent to be humiliated.  This is not a judgment.  It is a personal feeling.  All my life, I have been made fun of.  I was too fat, too short, the ugly friend.  I was in sixth grade with braces and glasses.  Life wasn’t easy.  Kids made poems about me to incorporate all the things that were not cool about me.  I worked hard to make sure that I always looked as best as could.  When I got older and dating began, I was always dressed as best as I could be.  My clothes were always cleaned, pressed and matched my purse.  My hair and makeup were always done.  I never knew who I would see.  We were a small community and most of my friends lived in my area.  We couldn’t walk around the block without seeing someone we knew.  I took the old saying “always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident” to the extreme.  So, to openly accept humiliation seemed a bit strange to me and actually made me uncomfortable.

People consenting to being humiliated puzzled me.  I was in a strict habit of making sure I was never humiliated.  At least not if I could help it.  Somewhere along the way, through some pretty horrific experiences, I realized that people would humiliate you regardless of how hard you try to avoid it.  It is just how some folks are.  All these realizations came before my introduction to the non-vanilla world of sex.  Sexual humiliation never came to mind previously.  Once I knew it was a thing it brought even more questions to mind.

Through research and time, I have come to understand it better.  It is an individual thing, but I understand it can be enjoyed and even needed in the same ways my preferences are.  I’m sure some wouldn’t understand enjoying spanking.  Spanking is something I request and enjoy.

I remember being with my Dom at the time, and we were in play mode.  I had always had an issue with being spit on.  I struggled to spit to moisten his cock because I was so uncomfortable with spitting in general.  I had an abusive situation where I was spat on with disrespect.  It left scars.  In my opinion, it was humiliation.  My Dom knew this, so I never requested it from me.  We were in play and talking about what would come next and there was something he said.  The way he approached it made me feel comfortable.  Made it seem intriguing and hot to me.  He told me it was an exchange of body fluid like any other.  He spits into my mouth.  (With my consent).  It was amazing.  He was right.  I was more than fine with it.   Would I be ok with just anyone spitting in my mouth?  No, probably not.  It takes time.  It takes patience.  We had both.

The lesson learned about humiliation here is to be open-minded.  I entered this realm with guidance from someone I trusted.  There were many things I felt I would “never” do.  Now, I crave them.  Be open-minded but be cautious.  The second lesson is not to judge other intimate pleasures and preferences.  We are all trying to find our way.  Some have it easier than others.  Some have people they can trust.  Some struggle through the entire process.  Entering this stage of my sexuality at a more “mature” age than most (my assumption, probably wrong; I do feel like a rare breed in this realm starting so late) has been challenging on many levels.  Becoming more open-minded, more adventurous, a little more carefree has made this journey a little easier.


  • Princesse Crowned

    It is odd to me as well, how some love and crave humiliation. I have not yet figured it out definitively but I do suspect that they, like all, have things going on in the psyche that those acts assuage or calm or *something*.

    I am one for unpacking what is hidden in the soul, to better know what the motivations are, but hell, some people do not want to see their demons. They are fine with just hearing the growls in the dark of night.

    • Toy

      Agreed. I have experienced some humiliation with consent and there is a level in pleasing others that makes me ok with it. As long as it is with consent. I have talked to others about public humiliation, walking naked down the street, public sex. There is a level that is exciting and I understand the rush but my inner self remembers the scars and the life long attempt of not being humiliated. It is a balance and very individual.

      • Princesse Crowned

        Quite true.

        I am one who shys away from that in totality, because as a woman, I’m pretty sure a man asking for for certain things of that nature is no going to stop, at the pre-determined point.

        Certain rabbit holes I will travel down but only ones I dig myself.

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