Today is my birthday. I’ve never been a fan of being the center of attention. I prefer to make others my focus. Focus on me always made me anxious. Which seems strange to me now as I am posting pictures of myself more than just naked. Vulnerable, doubtful, scared, hesitant. It still blows my mind. These past days posting these photos has been a mix of emotions. Never did I ever think I would post pictures of myself to be viewed by anyone. Sending a picture to Sir made me nervous.
This month, for this project, I have been naked in my back yard, and my daughter is taking photos of me, telling me how badass I look. I, still see all I hate about my body. I didn’t sign up for the project to get attention, more followers, etc. I signed up because it terrified me. I am tired of being terrified. I look at the photos others post and think how brave these people are. How accepting they are of their bodies, shapes, and curves. No matter the size, position or body part. All I could think when seeing these pictures was that I wish I had that same kind of acceptance. I am only half way through the 28 days so maybe there is still hope for me.
Making my birthday mean something different.
So, for my birthday post, I chose two pictures. I took the first one to make sure I had the camera set up so I would be in the frame. Once I knew it was good, I took the second one. When I started editing, I was struck by them being side by side. There is so much that these two pictures say to me. I am still processing how I feel about them. I am posting them because they both scare me.
They both look like a woman looking for something. Neither of them knows what that something is. Neither of them feels good about where they are right now. The difference I see is the woman on the right is a braver version of the woman on the left. I hope the woman on the right hangs around for a while and pulls the woman on the left with her to a braver, stronger, more accepting woman.