Shaving for an S
She rose early that day, excited to shower. Strange, she hadn’t felt this way for quite a while. She undressed and climbed under the hot water. This day there wasn’t sadness and loneliness. There was a touch of risk. She was trusting again. She was hopeful again. Shaving was on the agenda.
She let the water run over her and reached for the body wash. She lathered up running her hands over her body. Slower than what her normal has been for the past year or so. She rubbed her breast and pinched her nipples feeling a familiar tingle between her thighs. It felt good. For the first time in a long time, it finally felt good again.
Reaching for the shaving cream she pushed the stem of the can and the watched the white foam form a large teardrop shape in her hand. She started with her legs. Being careful to get every hair removed on both legs. She shaved under her arms. Just as careful to do a good job as she was directed to do. Then she covered her pussy with the shaving cream and carefully stroked the razor across from left to right, right to left, top of the hairline and down to the place where her lips parted. She wanted to do a good job. He preferred waxing but she didn’t have time or money for that so she promised she would do her best with the razor. She finished with her shaving and lathered her hair to finish off the rest of her routine.
Stepping out of the shower she grabbed the hand mirror to inspect her work. She had done well and gotten most of the hair from her pussy. Naken she walked to the kitchen for the sharpie marker. Black will do. Going back to the bathroom she took the sharpie and drew the “S” he had instructed her to place on the top of the line of her slit. It took practice. Three times to be exact before she was satisfied with her work. She would have to continue to practice drawling upside down and backward to make sure he was pleased.
She then reached for her phone, snapped the picture he requested. Three times is a charm again as it took a minute to get the picture she wanted. She pulled up his name on her phone, attached the picture and sent it to him without any words. She didn’t apologize for the lack of perfection. She hit send.
He was pleased. He said he was pleased. She was happy she had pleased him. It had been a while since she had pleased anyone in this way. It made her feel good again. Well, for a little while anyway. Two days later his messages were scarce. They went from talking all day for three days to her not hearing from him for two days. What had she done wrong? How had she displeased him? Should she ask him? Does she want to know? Was she overreacting?
All these questions brought back all the doubts and memories of her past, being left with no explanation and no words. Just gone. She texted him on the third day of silence and let him know she was taking his silence as a hint and wished him well. He responded that he was distracted by family and work. In her heart, she wanted to believe him. Was he just being kind to let her down easy or did he truly want to continue their journey? Is it wrong that she would expect someone to communicate they will be distant? Is it outside of submissiveness to question the Dom’s role and how he responded to her? She decided, no it wasn’t wrong. She hadn’t agreed to be his sub. They were testing the waters. She wasn’t going to accept this kind of treatment from that side of a slash again. Certainly not because she knew she was being submissive as he said he liked, but also because she couldn’t go through it again. She wouldn’t go through it again. So letting him know how she was feeling didn’t make her a bad sub. It made her a woman who just might be learning what she is worth.
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Really resonant piece, Toy. And an important affirmation.
Thank you so much. It is easy to get wrapped up when you miss something so badly but sometimes we miss it more than we want it.
This is really great writing, sad and wistful. You can sense the determination by the end. Well done.
Thank you very much!
Shaving is a sign of things for me, too…for me, it’s the idea that someone *might* touch my legs (code for intimacy).
And also, I think the “going quiet for 2-3 days” with no explanation thing is BS. It speaks volumes about the people who do it — it’s not un-submissive or wrong to tell someone you don’t appreciate it. And it takes 30 seconds to text, “Things have come up and I may not be around for a few days.” If you don’t have 30 seconds to make sure I know what’s up, I *know* you won’t have the real time to devote to actually building a relationship. (I get riled up about behavior like this because it’s unnecessary…but quite revealing.)
I agree. It is code for me too. It’s the potential and the possibility of intimacy. And also on the ghosting. How are you going talk to me non stop for three days and then disappear. And – you know my issues with being ghosted as well. Ugh. Makes being single look. Enter and better every fucking day
“So letting him know how she was feeling didn’t make her a bad sub. It made her a woman who just might be learning what she is worth.”
This really struck a chord with me. It is so important to keep those words in mind all the time.
Thank you Michael. It has always been difficult for her to speak up for herself. It’s nice to see lessons learned out into action.