waste of Caucasian women and red and black with white specs laying down
February Photofest 2020,  February Photofest 2020,  Memes and Things

Belly Button

I am trying to take a kinder look at myself.  Today’s focus is my belly button.  I know there are all kinds of names for this little thing we all have, but navel sounds too official.  I like the belly button!   I haven’t seen my belly button in a while.  It has always been (for as long as I can remember) folded under some belly fat (pouch) that I honestly blame on icing and soda since my baby is 24 years old.

I read so much about self-love and self-acceptance.  I struggle in both of those areas.  I look at others that have confidence in their bodies and sexuality and I am jealous of it. I have never considered myself judgy of others.  I love that people express themselves and have that kind of confidence. Where I do judge is the fact that I can’t do that myself.   Recently I was told that there were some cysts wrapped up in all that extra skin, only made noticeable by a recent weight loss (stress, not effort but hey, “whatever works”).  I was given a choice.  I could just have the cysts removed, made necessary because they were rubbing the skin and causing sores and would eventually cause additional health issues.  Or, I could have abdominoplasty and get the skin removed which would cure the initial medical issue.

I thought about this a lot.  It was, believe it or not, a difficult decision for me.   Most folks, I would assume, would be happy if someone in the medical field was suggesting a tummy tuck.  But for me, it was a glaring acceptance of my non-acceptance I have of my body.  My belly button was never something I paid attention to.  My daughter and I got our belly buttons pierced together years ago so it was cool for about a year.  No one saw the piercings because I was ashamed of my stomach.

So, faced with this decision and knowing most people would have no issues at all I struggled for about a month before deciding to get it done.  On December 26 I went into surgery knowing my Mom wasn’t pleased (more worried than anything else).  My daughter was all for it and she understood all the reasons I struggled but she knew I would feel better after I did it.  The recovery has been a bitch.  Both physically and emotionally but more on that later.

This picture is my new belly button.  I like it.  The surgeon told me that basically all “navels” are basically a scar.  So this is my newest scar and I think it came out quite nicely.  I also kind of like that the old scar from a previous procedure is still visible.  It is a timeline of sorts.  I am learning to love my new belly button and my new stomach.  Embrace that the medical issue is resolved with no further impact on my health.  I am trying really hard to let go of the guilt I feel for not losing the stomach the hard way with healthy eating and hard workouts.

I have come a long way in accepting my body and how it looks on the outside.  It has taken a long time but I am getting there with still a long road ahead.  I applaud those that have been able to do this and for some, have struggled as I am struggling now.

Kiss the lips below to see other beautiful photos from February Photofest 2020!February Photofest

2 Comments

  • Marie Rebelle

    My belly button is a scar too, as I too had a tummy tuck many many years ago. I am curious to know more about the scar of your tummy tuck? It would be interesting to see how they do them now compared to 25+ years ago.

    Rebel xox

    • Toy

      That would be interesting. The scar from the tuck is still pretty visible. From hip bone to hip bone. Surgeon said it would fade pretty well. They are still pretty dark right now.

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