Belly Button

I am trying to take a kinder look at myself.  Today’s focus is my belly button.  I know there are all kinds of names for this little thing we all have, but navel sounds too official.  I like the belly button!   I haven’t seen my belly button in a while.  It has always been (for as long as I can remember) folded under some belly fat (pouch) that I honestly blame on icing and soda since my baby is 24 years old.

I read so much about self-love and self-acceptance.  I struggle in both of those areas.  I look at others that have confidence in their bodies and sexuality and I am jealous of it. I have never considered myself judgy of others.  I love that people express themselves and have that kind of confidence. Where I do judge is the fact that I can’t do that myself.   Recently I was told that there were some cysts wrapped up in all that extra skin, only made noticeable by a recent weight loss (stress, not effort but hey, “whatever works”).  I was given a choice.  I could just have the cysts removed, made necessary because they were rubbing the skin and causing sores and would eventually cause additional health issues.  Or, I could have abdominoplasty and get the skin removed which would cure the initial medical issue.

I thought about this a lot.  It was, believe it or not, a difficult decision for me.   Most folks, I would assume, would be happy if someone in the medical field was suggesting a tummy tuck.  But for me, it was a glaring acceptance of my non-acceptance I have of my body.  My belly button was never something I paid attention to.  My daughter and I got our belly buttons pierced together years ago so it was cool for about a year.  No one saw the piercings because I was ashamed of my stomach.

So, faced with this decision and knowing most people would have no issues at all I struggled for about a month before deciding to get it done.  On December 26 I went into surgery knowing my Mom wasn’t pleased (more worried than anything else).  My daughter was all for it and she understood all the reasons I struggled but she knew I would feel better after I did it.  The recovery has been a bitch.  Both physically and emotionally but more on that later.

This picture is my new belly button.  I like it.  The surgeon told me that basically all “navels” are basically a scar.  So this is my newest scar and I think it came out quite nicely.  I also kind of like that the old scar from a previous procedure is still visible.  It is a timeline of sorts.  I am learning to love my new belly button and my new stomach.  Embrace that the medical issue is resolved with no further impact on my health.  I am trying really hard to let go of the guilt I feel for not losing the stomach the hard way with healthy eating and hard workouts.

I have come a long way in accepting my body and how it looks on the outside.  It has taken a long time but I am getting there with still a long road ahead.  I applaud those that have been able to do this and for some, have struggled as I am struggling now.

Kiss the lips below to see other beautiful photos from February Photofest 2020!