February Photofest 2020,  February Photofest 2020,  Memes and Things

Day 17 – Alone Time

There was a time when my alone time consisted of unhealthy foods and maybe even some alcohol.  Mostly unhealthy foods and soda.  Over the past three years, I have learned and worked on creating new ways to have alone time that are healthy and more emotionally supportive.  I have also found ways to relieve my emotions that won’t eventually come back to cause me more stress than the original stressor.  Alone time never use to be a good thing for me.  It was too quiet, gave me too much time think with little time to sort my thoughts around the voices that told me I wasn’t good enough.

I still have those moments, don’t get me wrong.  There is still the occasional can of icing and a bottle of coke because my addiction to sugar is a bitch.  They aren’t as often as they use to be and I can give myself a break on the few times I weaken to the caramel-colored liquid in the red can that actually burns as it runs down my throat but I drink it anyway.  It is like sweet whiskey with 16 tablespoons of sugar.  The icing is usually vanilla and I keep it in the refrigerator and treat it like ice cream.  It sounds gross to most who don’t like sweets and I get that.  But for me, it was and still is in some ways, my release.

I wasn’t on a quest to find other ways to release my emotions without sugar.  I knew I could run, walk, workout, take up knitting to keep my hands busy, there are a ton of options.  None of that helped me work through my feelings of not being enough, or good enough.  It was just the sugar that I wanted.

About six years ago I discovered masturbating.  Late to the game as usual but I was never one that touched myself in my younger days.  Over the past few years with the help of my ex-Dom, I learned that I could pleasure myself in many ways and it was ok.  It wasn’t until much later and even after my break up with my Dom that I realized the release it gave me.  The benefit was just physical at first.  It soon became more than that.  I began to recognize the emotional benefits of it.  Whether I was alone with my thoughts and focused on myself, or I was fantasizing and thinking about others, I was able to be in the moment with myself.  For the time I spent with myself making myself feel good I was able to sort the negative thoughts out of my head, if only for a brief time.

Through the years and more since I have been completely single, I have learned more and more to appreciate the times I give to myself to spend with myself.  I don’t do it often enough.  There are times where masturbating is just a thing I do for physical satisfaction.  It is quick and to the point.  It is when I set aside time to truly clear my mind of negative thoughts and focus solely on myself that I realize I am enough and I am good enough – for me.

February Photofest


  • Marie Rebelle

    Masturbating sounds like much more fun to be addicted to than eating, although I am just as much an emotional eater, and would probably turn to food before I think of masturbating :/

    Rebel xox

  • Brigit Delaney

    I definitely understand the need for sweets. I run to them when stress is high and my strength is low. Masturbation is a great release, though. I tend not to do it when I’m stressed, because stress seems to also come with exhaustion or high anxiety. Probably the best time for release, but we often don’t do the things that make the best sense for us. It’s human.

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