I have often wondered if exercise is a kink for me. I have a love/hate relationship with it, just as I do some of my kinks so maybe it is safe to say that exercise is also a kink.
I have always been active without going to the gym or scheduling a workout. I danced for eight years; tap, ballet, and jazz. I then moved on to karate for 6 years and reached my brown belt level, testing for my green belt when I was eight months pregnant. I played basketball in high school and did gymnastics as well. I never had the habit of purposefully exercising.
When kids and family came into play, all the activities swayed a bit. I was still active when my daughter was younger. We went camping and hiking and biking. The interesting thing is, that I was heavier then than I am now. What do I do now? Not a lot actually. I am not proud of it but I just don’t do it. If someone says, “let’s go kayaking!” , I am there! Left to my own motivation, however, I am writing on the couch or something much more low key.
Having said all of that, I do feel better and even sexy when I am working out and after. Let me be clear. I have a gym membership that has a pool, and multiple workout machines and free weights in my basement. I have no excuse to not work out, I just don’t do it regularly. When I do, I always feel better. I just can’t keep that feeling flowing long enough to take me to the next day.
There is a feeling of strength that used to come to me when I would weight train or do yoga. The shakey feeling I would get after I pushed myself during exercise is always a charge to me. I felt proud that I was pushing myself and I knew/know that even if I don’t do it every day and can not see immediate results, it is making me stronger. I got the same feeling when I was in a D/s relationship.
The level of strength I showed during some of our scenes impressed even me and I am the harshest critic of myself. Nothing felt better than asking for another hit from the crop or whip and actually wanting it because I knew I could handle it. The joy I felt when he would say “good girl” and after tell me how proud and impressed he was with y ability to push myself further.
It isn’t lost on me that one example I gave when comparing exercise to sex is the one where I am not doing any obvious cardio! I really hate cardio. I use to be a runner and forced myself to do it. Running for the sake of running didn’t work for me. I like yoga and weight training and stretching.
During a scene of spanking with whatever he chose to use on me didn’t feel like cardio. I laid or kneeled waiting for what was to come. My heart rate would rise, my breathing would speed up. It was standing still cardio! I loved it. I miss it.
During those times I felt strong, capable, and powerful. If I was sweating, I didn’t mind because it showed strength and focus. I had to control my breathing and manage the anticipation. I had to be aware of my body. Not just the pain but the willpower it took to take more, ask for more, accept more.
I have recently started working out again. (100th time is the charm?). I would love to say that I had the same kind of control and got the same kind of self-pride from my workouts that I did from my kinky cardio. I have set up the gym in the basement to be as pleasing as it can be when sharing with spiders and camel crickets. I schedule these workouts twice a week because I know I won’t do it seven or eight times a week. I force myself to do two days. Sometimes it looks like a half-hour of intense planned and scheduled exercise and sometimes it turns into 15 minutes of half-ass stretching, but it is something.
I miss my kinky cardio. I hope to have that again at some point. That was one cardio I never minded at all!
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