Fantasies
Fantasies are sometimes more memories I would like to alter.
“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” ~ Dr. Seuss
Dr. Seuss always has an interesting take on things. I never thought of it this way. Looking through the wrong end of a telescope is a task in itself, I suppose.
I do fantasize quite a bit. I am not sure my thoughts are all fantasies, though. I can drift away to a different place and a different world or the other time from a memory easier than I can create something myself. I wish it was different. I do have thoughts and dreams, and I suppose fantasies about the future as well, but, it is easier for me to expand on my memories.
Maybe I change the outcome of a past memory. Do something different, say something different, or change the scenery and background. Most of the time, I wish I had said more, or said something differently, or not said anything at all. My memories have a way of haunting me more than fueling my happiness. I am looking to change that.
Lately, my fantasies have been about my future. All the essential things that people typically think about. I fantasize about where I will eventually be living. Will it be the beach, the mountains, or will I be right where I am now? I fantasize about my finances. I would like to be independently financially stable. Independently wealthy would be nice, but let’s not get too carried away and just land on economically sound.
Aside from all the standard life stuff that is very much in the front of my mind, my fantasy of having a good healthy relationship that is mutually beneficial is top on my list. I am not sure if it is a fantasy or if I want to piece together different parts from the relationships that I have had. You know, pull out the right parts of each relationship and build the perfect one! I know – that in itself is a fantasy. A big one!
I can close my eyes and imagine all the things I want in a partner from how they look, smell, treat me, and fuck me. I’ve never fantasized about “the perfect partner,” but I have thought of the parts of a person and character that I would want by my side. Again, all this has a lot to do with where I am in my life right now. Had you asked me two years ago, I would have had a different response to this quote.
Looking through the wrong end of the telescope almost seems like what I have been doing all my life. Perhaps that is why I am in the position that I am in right now. With that in mind, perhaps I need to turn the telescope around and look through the right end. Whichever end that would be.
Fantasies to me use to be the wonderful “out of this world” and “best-case scenario” that I could imagine. As life has moved forward, I find myself just fantasizing about the smaller, simpler things. Either way, I do still believe in fantasy. I believe in thinking big and not discounting the dreams and fantasies you want to come true. I think that moves us forward in a positive way. Having fantasies can be motivating and give you goals to work toward going forward.
Now with all of that deep thought stuff said, I do fantasize about sex. I miss the kind of sex I like. I do think about and fantasize about different situations and scenarios that I wish would happen. Hot rough sex, bondage, going to sex clubs and expanding on all the things that started awhile ago. My journey to my sexual self has been exciting. It is on a bit of hiatus right now and not by my choice. I know that it will resume because I want it to and don’t want to go backward. So, I fantasize about what I like, what I want, and who I want it with. Sometimes, I am not going to lie; it makes me sad because it seems so far away. I won’t give up on it. Patience is hard but necessary. Fantasies can keep me going until then.
