It had been a while since I shared my bed with someone. Even my Ex-what-ever-he-was never stayed the night with me. I always went to him. Although I had set my house up to his liking just in case, it ever happened. So when my current relationship said he could stay over, I was not only surprised and a little excited, I was also nervous.
I haven’t talked much about him because I wasn’t sure where it was going. He is a good guy. Most of them are, but most of them also have issues, baggage, or in my case and history, someone else in their lives. Ugh! It is my pattern. I am determined to change, which is why – I don’t talk about this guy much. Things change for the good sometimes, and I am trying to put this in that category.
For a quick background, I have a pattern of falling for people that have significant others. It usually starts with them being unhappy and me trying to help and be supportive, and then I catch feelings, and well, the rest is my sorted history. I can say I have never been a homewrecker, but I have been the other woman and the dirty little secret. That part of me is done! It is partly because I hate what I have done to the “other” other woman. I don’t want to be that person, but I also deserve to be a priority.
So back to this current guy. We are a good match. He is low key and casual. He is still younger than me but not as much, and we are on the same level in a lot of ways – not all. No one is perfect, but we like a lot of the same things, and for the first time in a very long time, I can be my actual self without morphing into something or someone else. I’ve been more honest with him than anyone I have been with. That includes both my ex-husband and my ex-wife and my ex-Dom. And then there is that. He isn’t Dominant in the sense I had before. Initially, I thought this was a problem. Lately, I have come to realize that it really isn’t. Maybe some of the dominance I loved was because I wanted to please my ex-Dom. Still working on that one. This guy is a great lover. We are working out what we like and what we want from each other. One of those things was to stay the night together because it had never happened until it did.
He lives with his ex-girlfriend. Yes, I realize that sounds pretty familiar to what I said I wouldn’t do. She knows about me. Not sure she is thrilled because I’m sure she would prefer to the only one. That is why I struggle with open relationships and polyamorous ideas. I have been burned a lot by the chick that said she cool with it until she wasn’t, and then it was drama, and I was left out. He has stood strong when she wavers, but I am still cautiously moving forward with this relationship.
So one day, he texted to set up a date and said, “I can come over, and I can stay.” It may not sound like much, but to us, it was a big deal. I was fucking nervous. I hadn’t slept overnight with anyone in a long time. I went through all my usual concerns my neurotic self goes through. Concerns about snoring, morning breath, how many times will I wake up to pee, will I be able to sleep… you get the idea. I was sure he wasn’t worried about much of anything except it was the first time and would his live-in ex-girlfriend actually leave him alone all night or make him miserable. (See, she really doesn’t want to be an ex-girlfriend).
He came over, and we cooked dinner together. That truly is one of my favorite things to do. I don’t cook much because it’s just me, and it’s a pain to cook for one. Cooking with someone else is really fun. He likes to cook as well, so it was fun doing that together. Then it came time to go to bed. Ugh – so awkward. Everything felt weird. I was use to fucking him and saying goodbye at the door. This was so different. In the bedroom, we just started getting ready for bed. I guess I was picturing the whole fucking thing, and then we would fall asleep and wake up the next morning. In my normal fashion, I acted like I was fine and that this wasn’t awkward. While getting undressed, he looked at me and said, “So this is a little weird, right?”. Oh, thank God! He was feeling it too.
We got over the awkward pretty quickly. Yes, we both got up to pee at least once; yes, there were awkward positions throughout the night. He has a bad shoulder and has to shift a lot. To stay in one position for a long time is hard. We didn’t spoon and cuddled all night, as you see in the movies. I never cuddled all night before with anyone else either, so it was just fine. It was easy. It was nice. I like waking up to him. I like that fucking him was the last thing I did the night before and the first thing I did the next morning. Having him stay felt good. I wasn’t anxious for him to leave. I didn’t feel smothered like I thought I might. Having him stay is something I could get use to.