Thinking

Thinking is the best and the worst of my habits. There are times when I lose myself in all the things that bother me and worry me. I usually try hard to mask how I am feeling to others. They are my struggles, and I keep them behind the mask. This works for me. Two people see through this mask. My daughter and Sir. I find it impossible to hide much from them.

I think that everything that is happening, or not happening can be hard on the sole. All the tools available are great, meditation, writing everything down, focusing on one thing at a time, but they never seem to work for me. I am a thinker. I wish I were that person who exercised every time I was stressed. I would be a much healthier person.

For now, with everything I have been through, not just this past year, but life in general, I allow myself to think. When I am thinking, I am, at the very least, trying to work through the shit in my brain. I know that thinking alone doesn’t solve the issues. You have to find and put the results you get from thinking into action.

I feel like this photo, while sexy in its own right. What was I thinking about? I was thinking my nose may be too weird for a profile shot. Do my eyelashes (fake as fuck) look pretty good or like spider legs. I wished my hair was still blonde (thank you fucking covid for making it impossible for me to keep up with the roots, and I ended up covering it up). I was thinking that I might look good in this photo.