• BDSM,  Experiences,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts,  Toy for Sir,  Writings

    Watching Him Sleep

    There are a few times that I have the opportunity to watch him sleep.  We take advantage of when we can and I am always more grateful than words can express when I get to lay next to him and wake up with him in the morning. In past relationships, there was always a routine.  This was good because I knew what to expect, and bad, because I knew what to expect.  Brush teeth, wash face, get in bed, have sex, roll over, sleep.  This was my vanilla life.  With Daddy, it is different every time.  I don’t know what to expect and while it is frustrating it is also…

  • BDSM,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts,  Writings

    Intimacy in a D/s relationship

    Spending some time listening (and watching!) @LovingBDSM yesterday at work.  (Headphones are a beautiful thing).  These two wonderful people never disappoint!  They always seem to hit on my feelings and manage to make me feel less crazy.  Or, make me feel my crazy is ok. My situation is unique.  Maybe.  It can be tough at times.  I struggle daily to know and find my place.  The D in my D/s is my best friend.  We started as co-workers than friends, then best friends then came the benefits, and then came the BDSM and his role as my Dom.  I started calling him Sir, and now he is my Daddy.  It…

  • BDSM,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts,  Toy for Sir,  Writings

    It Was Just A Dream

    I woke in a pool of my own sweat.  It took seconds to clear the fog in my head and make sense of what happened during my sleep.  I tried to convince myself it was the best wet dream of my life, but it wasn’t.  It was the worst nightmare ever. The dream slowly came back to my conscious mind in a slow wave.  The memories forced themselves through the fog.   With each image becoming clearer, I realized I was crying.  Tears.   Real tears.  Streaming in tandem down my cheeks and onto the sheets of my bed.  I realize I am sobbing uncontrollably.  I tell myself it was just a…

  • BDSM,  Learning the Hard Way,  Thoughts,  Writings

    Balancing act…

    We had the most beautiful evening.  It started early.  We went to the living room to cuddle and catch up.  He told me to take off my clothes and lay next to him.  It was amazing.  I laid next to him naked in our cuddle position.  He started asking me questions about what I’ve been doing with my time.  We started this very casual conversation and before I knew it I was telling him everything.  I have been writing, I’m talking to someone but not thinking it will go anywhere, I miss you, I am trying to keep busy but it has been hard… the list went on.  Months of…