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We Have to Hurt to Know
c/w Depression / Addiction We have to hurt to know; an unfortunate truth. This is a lesson older than time. I was raised to learn from my mistakes. I was usually told of the consequences, and then the choice was mine to make my decisions. As children, we are warned not to touch a hot stove. As adults, we have to know that we shouldn’t do certain things. You know you shouldn’t do it. Even as children, sometimes we know. We can not help ourselves, though, can we? We touch the stove, and of course, Mom was right. It hurts. The decision was ours. Now that we know the consequence…
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Love all trust a few
Over the past few years, my ability to love all and trust has been diminished to nothing. This makes me sad because I use to be a very trusting person. I trusted that people (most people) were honest and good and truly trying to be good people. Trying to be a good person myself, I naturally assumed others were doing the same. Wrong. Trusting people has hurt me. Loving people have hurt me. Trying to do both equally has proven impossible. Love all, trust a few. I saw this written out today and instantly knew I had to borrow it for a post. (I believe that it is a…
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When?
As the holidays approach it brings back all the feelings of loss. The loss of my Dad in March and the loss of my relationship in August. When would I ever feel ok again? Two very different relationships but the pain is shared and intertwined as this hateful year heads toward a close. Every day I miss my Dad and as the holidays come near I struggle for ways to support my Mom through this year of firsts after losing him. There is no way to distract her from the loneliness and pain. It just isn’t possible. Made worse by my own sadness and feeling the loss of him. On…
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I’m in love with your potential
Sometimes it is a statement that you hear randomly throughout the day. Sometimes, it is an original thought. Today, it was a song lyric. Driving to a wedding that I was pleased about but still sad and maybe even a little bitter at my own situation, I had the radio low. Through the traffic noise, the chatter of others in the car, and my own thoughts come one lyric from a radio song. The song title, I am in love with your potential. The lyrics stopped me in my tracks. Time stops, and I am suddenly aware of only the song on the radio. I zero in on the screen…
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When a D/s relationship ends…
This was today’s thought-provoking email. I don’t know how to respond to this one. On Monday, my Sir told me we were through. I made a mistake. A big one. He responded with the heat and temper I had witnessed but it was never directed at me. Through text, he told me I was manipulative and I had hurt him too much, he was done. He even said “fuck you, T…” using my real name and not the name he gave me. He is furious, done with me and has not spoken to me since. He told me to move on. Devastated doesn’t cover it. I am mourning not only…
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