• beautiful baby on blue and pink blanket

    My Twenties

    My twenties were a mix of things.  Looking back, it should have been the best time of my life.  While my friends were still going to bars and trying to hook up, I had settled down.  Married at the age of 24, we owned a house and had started down the road to adulthood.  I had a good job, a nice house with an inground pool in the back yard, decent neighbors, and everything he had promised.  The only thing missing was happiness. I didn’t know it at the time, and even if I had some subconscious notion of not feeling happy, I would have and probably did suppress it.…

  • The word FEAR with words inside each letter with different colors the primary colors ar red and black and yellow
    Erotic Journal Challenge,  Memes and Things


    I have talked a lot about fear in many of my posts.  When I saw this prompt from Erotic Journal Challenge I thought I had a post on this topic already so I ran through some past posts and couldn’t find one dedicated to it.  Interesting because it is the main theme running through my life.  So here we go – a  post dedicated to fear. If you are reading this for answers on how to reduce, avoid, limit fear this probably isn’t going to help you.  In all my years I haven’t figured out how to do any of that.  I am not even sure that I know fear when it…

  • Decisions,  Distress,  Experiences,  kinks,  Lifestyle


    This is another tough one for me.  It goes back far into my childhood and I still struggle with friendships.  I have learned over the years, and most recently the hardest lesson, those friendships are precious.  Really good friendships are hard to come by. It is normal to have people come and go in your life.  It is sometimes working to keep in touch and it takes both parties to make that happen.  I had always felt I was the only one working on it most times.  Taking some time off from constantly reaching out to those that had drifted away, I found myself feeling pretty lonely.  It showed me…

  • BDSM,  Erotic Journal Challenge,  Experiences,  Sir/Daddy,  Thoughts,  Toy for Sir,  Trust

    Erotic Journal Challenge #7 – Distress

      Erotic Journal Challenge #7 – Distress I am starting the journal Challenge at the current week but will try and catch up on past weeks.  I have always loved this idea and I am looking forward to pushing myself to answer the tough questions and also the fun ones.  This post is about distress.  After reading the prompt I realized my distress comes from a different place. When I think about distress as it relates to my sexual desires there are several different branches to this tree.  When I was younger, first married at 24 years old, I was clueless about what I wanted or what turned me on.…

  • BDSM,  Experiences,  Thoughts,  Toy for Sir

    Sorry for your Loss

    It had been a long two weeks.  The death of her father was unexpected.  No death is ever easy even when it is anticipated.  This one hit hard.  Her mother had buried her first father after a heart attack and now her second husband dies the same way.  Making sense of it was not possible.  She and her mom would have a new normal.  Who knew how long it would take to figure out what that would be.  She needed to prep herself for all the “sorry for your loss,” mentions from people she barely knew. The service was over.  Everyone said it was beautiful.  What the fuck did that…